why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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