How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
