Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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