If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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