I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just want nice things and good sex
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
