Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
