just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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