Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
