ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Randomize
