Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We left the knife in your bed.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
