Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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