I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
