i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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