true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
