My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
