You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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