See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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