I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
