so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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