I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
