you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize