bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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