one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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