Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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