I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
