either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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