Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
