the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Two words: blizzard sex
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
