I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize