I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
