Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Do vagina's smell?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
