Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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