hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
