Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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