I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
