Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
