I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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