You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
