My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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