he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
