Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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