i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
