Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
