You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
