so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize