I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm getting married
To pizza
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
