okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
