It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
