the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
