The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize