You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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