She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
