1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
