it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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