hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
