Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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