Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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