It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
