some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
