I'm really into asian looking animals
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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