i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
