I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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