you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I am one with the molecules
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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