He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
