using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
