Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i drank out of a bidet.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
