I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
