exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
