I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
