i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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