You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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