Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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