Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize