Your mouth is God's brothel.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
