you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
