I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
