What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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