I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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